Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I'm not what you would call a neighborly person. I know the names of the neighbors on either side of my house, and I'll wave if I see you outside, but that's pretty much the beginning and end of any effort I make. I'm not unfriendly, I just don't go out of my way to befriend people based on their proximity to my abode.

My husband is much better at the whole neighbor thing than I am. He'll come inside and say random things like "Bill and Cheryl are going on vacation next week," to which I'll reply "Who the hell are Bill and Cheryl?" and he'll remind me that "Hello! Bill and Cheryl live in the house directly behind ours." And I'll promptly forget because I don't really care, until the next time he cares to share tidbits on The Life and Times of Bill and Cheryl.

I have this one neighbor though, that I see quite often. We'll call this neighbor Mr. Little, because he stands about 5 1/2 feet tall and probably weighs 100 lbs soaking wet. He is a lithesome slip of a man. Wow, there are eight words I never thought I'd string together in a sentence, but I digress. Mr. Little is the neighbor I see most often because he is ALWAYS outside. He works in his yard and cuts his grass, Every. Single. Day. Even in the winter.

He also has a really nice swimming pool that's actually more of a water feature. I say this because I've never seen anyone actually swim in said pool. Or float. Or doggy paddle. Or backstroke. Nothing. Ever. I really can't say why I find this so strange. For some reason, I find the need to randomly mention the fact that nobody ever swims in his pool to visitors to my house. It can make for pretty weird conversation. Example:

Random Guest: "Thanks for inviting us for dinner, it was really good."

Mother Chick: "You're welcome. Also, did you know my neighbor never swims in his pool? Isn't that weird?"

Anyway, moving on! Every time I see Mr. Little outside, he has on the the exact same outfit: A black and white flannel shirt, black jeans and black shoes with velcro straps. I sometimes wonder if he has the same outfit hanging on every hanger in his closet. He even wears this outfit in the summer, when the average temperature hovers in the high 90's with 100% humidity.

Recently though, I somehow found out that Mr. Little is a former Mr. Universe bodybuilder. Now, I really don't see how that's possible based on the Mr. Little I see every day. Mr. Little is short and tiny, he is twee! Remember, 5 1/2 feet tall and 100 lbs soaking wet! Not that he'd know anything about being soaking wet, since he never swims in his pool. (That is just weird. Clearly, I can't get over it.)

Now, I started this post by saying that I am not very big on active participation in the neighborhood and all things neighborly. BUT! I can't help thinking that it would make things more interesting around here if he should one day decide to mow his grass in one of his old Mr. Universe Speedos.

I'm just saying.

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