I recently read a very nice post by another blogger who was announcing she was pregnant, complete with all the lovely the details about how they found out themselves and how she and her husband broke the good news to their families with much fanfare and excitement. As someone whose pregnancies fell on the accidental end of the spectrum under less than ideal circumstances, I've always wondered what it would be like to announce that you're pregnant and have everyone immediately think it's the greatest news ever.
When I got pregnant with Violet, I was 18 and Mr. Chick was 19. We were both in college and both lived at home with our respective parents (well, our mothers really - kids of divorce unite!). When we broke the news to my mom, she cried and left the room. When we broke the news to Mr. Chick's mom, I think she might have called us stupid. So, yeah - not really the Hallmark moments everyone pictures. But really, I didn't expect anything else considering the fact that I cried when I found out I was pregnant.
The one thing we had going for us at the time was that we both worked full time jobs, so while we were broke, it could have been worse. We managed to save enough money to get all of the necessities for Violet's impending arrival and move in to our very own apartment exactly two weeks before she was born. (Let me tell you - you haven't lived until you move out from living with your parents and move in with your boyfriend, at the ripe old age of 19, while you are 9 months pregnant. Let's just say that I wanted my mommy.) Of course, both of our mothers quickly came around to the idea of having a grandchild, especially after we found out the baby was a girl. When Violet arrived, they both loved her to pieces right away.
Fast forward a few years later and Violet has just turned two. Mr. Chick and I are mere weeks away from the wedding we'd been planning for about a year when I discover that I am pregnant again. (Yes, I know what causes pregnancy, in case you were wondering.) Now this time, circumstances were a little different obviously, but we weren't as 'established' as one might like to be before having any kids, let alone their second one. We had good jobs, but didn't yet own a home, have substantial savings, etc. These were things we were working toward, yes, but progress was slow. Still, I knew what I was getting into this time and while the timing wasn't the greatest, we were excited just the same.
But, the news that Lily was on the way was met with sighs of 'I'm not mad, but you're just getting your heads above water' and 'I'm not upset, but you're just getting yourselves established.' When I was in the hospital for eight days and on bedrest for 5 months because of pre-term labor, it was pointed out that this was exactly why people our age and in our financial position shouldn't be having kids. (We'll just conveniently gloss over the fact that I actually had disability insurance which covered my FMLA time off.) But again, when Lily was born, she was every bit as loved by everyone as Violet had been.
Fast forward a few years after that and I'm pregnant again. This time, we're even more established than before and are in the process of building our first home. Even so, for the third time, our big announcement is met with little excitement...more of a 'you know, three kids is a lot to handle' type observation. Now, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you've noticed that I only have two kids. So, it turned out that the third time was not the charm for us and as quickly as I was pregnant, I was not pregnant anymore. After that, I decided that I was not very good at being pregnant (see: previous pre-term labor/bed rest and subsequent pregnancy that ended with no baby) and we were done, done, done with having kids.
That is, until about two years ago when I decided that maybe, perhaps, possibly another baby wouldn't be such a bad thing. Because I was totally on the fence about said decision, I told almost no one. This time, we were established, we hade money, we had a home, we had savings accounts, we were the age when people are 'supposed' to have babies. But still, even the thought of another baby for us was met with a less than thrilled reaction from some. More of a 'Why would you want to start over?' and a 'You do what you want, but I don't think it's a good idea.' That was quickly followed up with an 'Of course, I'll love another baby if you have one.' Gee, thanks - I think.
We ultimately decided that another baby is just not in the cards for us for a multitude of reasons (which I say, knowing that I'm due to have my IUD replaced and not being able to bring myself to actually go get it done because in my head, THEN it's final). But still, when I read stories like the one earlier this week about breaking the baby news and everyone getting really excited for them, it just makes me wonder what it would feel like to share what is really such amazing news, and actually have people be happy about it, because I don't think I'll ever know.