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Friday, February 22, 2013

Baby Love

I recently read a very nice post by another blogger who was announcing she was pregnant, complete with all the lovely the details about how they found out themselves and how she and her husband broke the good news to their families with much fanfare and excitement.  As someone whose pregnancies fell on the accidental end of the spectrum under less than ideal circumstances, I've always wondered what it would be like to announce that you're pregnant and have everyone immediately think it's the greatest news ever.

When I got pregnant with Violet, I was 18 and Mr. Chick was 19.  We were both in college and both lived at home with our respective parents (well, our mothers really - kids of divorce unite!). When we broke the news to my mom, she cried and left the room.  When we broke the news to Mr. Chick's mom, I think she might have called us stupid.  So, yeah - not really the Hallmark moments everyone pictures.  But really, I didn't expect anything else considering the fact that I cried when I found out I was pregnant.

The one thing we had going for us at the time was that we both worked full time jobs, so while we were broke, it could have been worse.  We managed to save enough money to get all of the necessities for Violet's impending arrival and move in to our very own apartment exactly two weeks before she was born.  (Let me tell you - you haven't lived until you move out from living with your parents and move in with your boyfriend, at the ripe old age of 19, while you are 9 months pregnant.  Let's just say that I wanted my mommy.) Of course, both of our mothers quickly came around to the idea of having a grandchild, especially after we found out the baby was a girl.  When Violet arrived, they both loved her to pieces right away.

Fast forward a few years later and Violet has just turned two.  Mr. Chick and I are mere weeks away from the wedding we'd been planning for about a year when I discover that I am pregnant again. (Yes, I know what causes pregnancy, in case you were wondering.)  Now this time, circumstances were a little different obviously, but we weren't as 'established' as one might like to be before having any kids, let alone their second one.  We had good jobs, but didn't yet own a home, have substantial savings, etc.  These were things we were working toward, yes, but progress was slow.  Still, I knew what I was getting into this time and while the timing wasn't the greatest, we were excited just the same.

But, the news that Lily was on the way was met with sighs of 'I'm not mad, but you're just getting your heads above water' and 'I'm not upset, but you're just getting yourselves established.'  When I was in the hospital for eight days and on bedrest for 5 months because of pre-term labor, it was pointed out that this was exactly why people our age and in our financial position shouldn't be having kids.  (We'll just conveniently gloss over the fact that I actually had disability insurance which covered my FMLA time off.)  But again, when Lily was born, she was every bit as loved by everyone as Violet had been.

Fast forward a few years after that and I'm pregnant again.  This time, we're even more established than before and are in the process of building our first home.  Even so, for the third time, our big announcement is met with little excitement...more of a 'you know, three kids is a lot to handle' type observation.  Now, if you've been reading this blog for a while, you've noticed that I only have two kids.  So, it turned out that the third time was not the charm for us and as quickly as I was pregnant, I was not pregnant anymore.  After that, I decided that I was not very good at being pregnant (see:  previous pre-term labor/bed rest and subsequent pregnancy that ended with no baby) and we were done, done, done with having kids.

That is, until about two years ago when I decided that maybe, perhaps, possibly another baby wouldn't be such a bad thing.  Because I was totally on the fence about said decision, I told almost no one. This time, we were established, we hade money, we had a home, we had savings accounts, we were the age when people are 'supposed' to have babies. But still, even the thought of another baby for us was met with a less than thrilled reaction from some.  More of a 'Why would you want to start over?' and a 'You do what you want, but I don't think it's a good idea.'  That was quickly followed up with an 'Of course, I'll love another baby if you have one.'  Gee, thanks - I think.

We ultimately decided that another baby is just not in the cards for us for a multitude of reasons (which I say, knowing that I'm due to have my IUD replaced and not being able to bring myself to actually go get it done because in my head, THEN it's final).  But still, when I read stories like the one earlier this week about breaking the baby news and everyone getting really excited for them, it just makes me wonder what it would feel like to share what is really such amazing news, and actually have people be happy about it, because I don't think I'll ever know.

7 comments:

  1. Isn't it so true how you can't ever please anyone? My mom raised me to be a total book work, all academics, no outside life. No boys, not to mention no birds and the birds. What's that all about? Now she's wringing her hands because her poor daughter can't conceive. Hmm, well I didn't do the dirty until I was in my twenties, didn't get married until I was in my late thirties, so huh, why does she suppose I'm in the situation I'm in. Duh Mom!

    I love your story, though. Shush all those naysayers. I have to say I am one of them. My baby cousin had a baby recently and I about hit the roof, so mad at how stupid she could be. But it's actually all good. She's got a baby daddy who loves her (they're now engaged), both have jobs, and she's also going to school at night. So she's showing me!

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    1. You are so right that you can't please everyone. Obviously our story has a good outcome and it sounds like your cousin's will too, but I do know that's the exception rather than the rule. I was lucky that my hubby and I grew up together instead of growing apart. People are always shocked when I tell them I'm married to my high school sweetheart. :)

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  2. I'm sorry to hear your good news wasn't met with the love and excitement that it should have been. I'm not sure how I feel about having kids. Part of me acknowledges that I tend to find kids to be rather annoying. Not exactly a good trait for a parent to have. So, then I think maybe I should just leave the whole baby thing to everyone else. But then... I don't know. What if?

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    1. You know, I always said I was never having kids but obviously, that didn't quite work out. I was never big on babysitting when I was younger and in all honesty, I still find most kids annoying. The only thing I can tell you is that it's different with your own and I truly can't imagine life without them - they are just such awesome people (annoying teen angst aside, lol). Good luck!

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  3. I can certainly relate. I was 18 when I ended up pregnant with Lena and not a single person was happy about it. They ended up coming to terms and my family has been amazing over the last several years. The baby topic has recently come up in our home because my IUD is at it's replacement stage. Originally I planned to just get fixed and call it a day, but now it's a lot of back and forth about what I want or don't want. Ultimiately I think I'll make the same choice you have, because while I love being a mom, I'm just not sure it's in the cards for me.

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    1. I hear you, I've been back and forth myself and as I mentioned, I'm also due for a replacement and can't quite make myself go get it taken care of. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your family.

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  4. My husband and I were 19 when our son was born. My parents were NOT happy in the least.

    I go back and forth if I want another. I like my free time and I'm not sure if I'd have the energy for a baby.

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